The Courage to Suck at Something, and Why We Need It

Not long ago, I was driving my daughter home from her Jiu-Jitsu practice. Like most beginning their journey, she was lamenting about getting her ass kicked.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has the highest drop out rate of all the martial arts. It’s estimated that less than one percent earn their black belt. For me, it’s been a vehicle for life’s greatest lessons.

“Sofia,” I said, “in order to get good at Jiu Jitsu, you have to be bad at it first, there’s no way around it.”

This is true of virtually everything in life, walking, playing an instrument, launching a business. Do some people have natural ability? Sure. But there’s nothing more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

Success adheres to a strict diet of hard work and determination.

“Everyone who does Jiu Jitsu, regardless of rank, has lost more than they’ve won,” I continued, “The thing that sets the winners apart, is resilience.”

I could see her contemplation in the review mirror. A moment later she asked,

“What does resilience mean?”

“It means despite all of the losses, they never quit. They kept going. They learned from their mistakes. They win now, but they had to lose first.”

Light bulbs were going off in her head. As a parent, it’s one of those deeply satisfying moments. I smiled.

In our own culture, we have this ubiquitous romanticization of winning. The accolades, the glamour, the recognition. But winning, like the tip of an iceberg, sits above thousands of hours of practice, failed attempts, losses, and struggle. The part you don’t see.

Most overnight success stories are ten years in the making.

Often we subconsciously dismiss the most important part of winning, getting there. And by doing so, we erode the very resilience the journey requires.

Our most important victories are won when we have the courage to suck at something first, when we bounce back from the inevitable losses, when we overcome the lack of motivation on days we don’t feel like going, when we train our minds to go farther than our bodies ever thought possible.

Winning is at best a temporary outcome. The real value is derived from the self-disciplined built along the way.

Ultimately, it’s the small victories that matter most.